Nov 062014
 

I first learned about Diane De Vries almost fifteen years ago when I was researching sex and disability (wasn’t much written about that then) and stumbled across this book. diane’s story was so amazing to me because I’d never heard people theorizing things like self-esteem, body image, and sexuality specifically around disability, and because the essay about her talked so candidly about how she navigated living with a body that not only behaved diferently, but looked diferent too.

Recently, I found this short documentary about Diane, showing diferent aspects of her life than those I first learned about, and in her own words, too!

Enjoy!

Oct 232014
 

Last month, the American Academy of pediatrics updated its guidelines on providing sexual healthcare for adolescents, though the part of those guidelines validating that teens with disabilities have sexualities too didn’t get a lot of press.

yes, teens with disabilities do have sexual feelings, are interested in sex, and (mock gasp!) engage in sexual activity with themselves and other people.

It was strictly against the rules, of course, but I happen to know that the school for the blind I went to was teeming with horny teens acting on their horniness!

I wasn’t one of them, but I did hungrily, and a little guiltily, devour the three sex and sexuality books the school library had in Braille.

So, this week I’m sharing a piece from the depths of the Internet, written by a disabled teen, about her sexuality.

Cara Liebowitz is a powerful activist for disability rights.

She gave this interview on disability and sexuality four years ago when she was in her late teens.

Enjoy.

Oct 162014
 

Today is Spirit Day.

Talking about anti-bullying and anti-violence is generally more meaningful to me than turning everything purple. Plus, if I turned this post purple I’d probably break something!

So instead I bring you this 2009 post from brilliant and much-missed disability-rights activist Laura Hershey tells the truth about violence against people with disabilities.

Is there such a thing as a hate crime based on disability?

When President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act into law last month, much of the excitement centered around the inclusion of sexual orientation. I too am moved that federal protection has now been extended to LGBT folks attacked by those who cannot tolerate our different expressions and gender and/or sexuality.

Equally importantly, the bill also covers crimes targeting people with physical or mental disabilities. This aspect has received less attention, possibly because many people find the very concept of disability hate crime difficult to fathom. Who could hurt the handicapped? What kind of a dirty low-life would sink so low as to prey upon a helpless disabled person?

Ironically, these common questions reflect social biases which actually contribute to violence against people with disabilities. When we are lumped into a stereotype called “the handicapped,” and seen as easy targets, passive and vulnerable, then perpetrators are more likely to seek us out and to get away with their offenses. On the other hand, when we are active and respected in our communities, we can count on some natural protection: visibility, connectedness, and legal recourse.

Hate crimes targeting disabled people do occur.

Here’s the entire post.

Note: If you want to turn things purple, please do. I understand it’s a really expressive colour. Just please don’t substitute purpling your world for talking.

Oct 092014
 

Saturday is National Coming Out Day 2014, and I’m thinking about people with disabilities who are queer, gender nonconforming, or both.

Queer and trans* people around the United States will celebrate this weekend. Some will come out for the first time.

Maybe some people with disabilities will come out.

Maybe some will feel they have to stay silent, even as people around them celebrate.

People with disabilities are thought of as nonsexual. People with intellectual disabilities, especially, are thought of as not being able to understand sex, sexuality, or relationships. ((As if any of us get to say what anybody’s sexuality, or how they feel about another person, should look like!)

“They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“Oh, isn’t that sweet.”

“They’re just repeating what they hear other people saying.”

These are the kinds of things said about people with intellectual disabilities, and the responses to talk of sexualities aren’t likely to be mmuch different. Someone with an intellectual disability saying that they want a girlfriend, for example, is likely to hear one of the responses above, or to be reminded that they have lotsof friends who are girls. If the person saying they want a girlfriend is also a girl (or woman if she’s an adult), they might be told that only boys get to have girlfriends.

So, for this year’s National Coming Out Day, I want to do my part to make sure people kno that folks with disabilities have gender identities and sexualities too. To that end, I’m sharing this deeply moving (to me, anyway) post from Dave Hingsburger. Yes, yes…I kno I shared a post of his for last week’s TBT. I’ll admit to being a bit of a fangirl. This post just spoke to me as one that needed to be shared this week. I promise to share something written by someone else next week.

Here, Dave is talking about giving support to a person with an intellectual disability who is sharing that he’s gay and in love.

I don’t do this often because I don’t have to – pretty much everyone knows. So it felt odd, pushing the closet door open and letting it bang shut after me again. This time, though, I came out strategically. I was just in conversation with a man with Down Syndrome who was talking with me, struggling with the fact that he was attracted to, and had kissed, another man. He thought he was in love. He was aching with pain, it was all wrong, he was dirty and sinful.

I couldn’t bear watching him. I couldn’t bear remembering the pain of feeling shamed for feeling loved.

I couldn’t bear watching him hurt.

So, I said, “You know I’m gay, right?”

Read the whole post here.

Oct 022014
 

The Internet is giant! It’s a library that will never get full (at least, I hope it won’t) and has decades of material. Most of us can barely get through the news and opinions posted each day, let alone find the gems of the past—and there are gems.

Every Thursday I will post a link to something I’ve found that relates to at least one of the themes I write about here—sexuality, disability, abuse, relationships, and so on.

Since my last few posts have been along the lines of “WTF do people think they’re doing?” I thought I’d give you a funny-but-smart post from someone who does kno what he’s doing.

This week’s post is from Dave Hingsburger, published way back in 2006. (I think that makes it about 500 years old in Internet-time.) Dave started his blog that year, and has been writing, almost daily, since then.

I wrote here about how much I value Dave’s work, so it’s fitting that I start this series with one of his posts, and that it’s one where he talks about how he has been able to directly help people with disabilities explore and express their sexual selves.

———

Today I’m going shopping for a dildo and a butt plug – on work time, on a work mission. There are times I love working in the area of sexuality. This is one of them.

Continue reading.