Momentum: Reflections and Impressions

Apr 072012
 

A week ago I was at the Momentum conference. I brought home some fabulous memories, copious notes, some books and a bottle of lube,, and a lot to think about. Processing it all will take a while.

There are many things I want to write about.
Jaclyn Friedman’s talk about the importance of authentic sexual liberation in combatting the harm of sexualization.
Charlie Glickman’s “queer is a verb”, which you can read here.
The connections between sex education and health promotion.
Other gems hiding in my notes.

I did however want to say something about Audacia Ray’s State of the Sexual Union which she presented at the Friday evening opening panel. I would imagine that Audacia felt some trepidation questioning the role of sex positive feminism at a conference that bills itself as being about “sexuality, feminism, and relationships”. I know that her words received notice. My partner Scott, who came to the sessions on Saturday, asked me about the questions being raised about the meaning of sex positive. I hope that Audacia’s contribution was met with inquiry and conversation, not malice and backlash. The other part of Momentum’s subtitle is “making waves”.
We’ll never have much movement if we don’t make waves within our own community. New voices need to speak; old voices need to say new things.

I have been a feminist for many years, but I learned early on in my feminist career, as an undergrad student in Women’s Studies, that the feminist voice, both academic and social justice, excluded part of me. Now, twelve years later at Momentum, mine is finally not the only voice talking about bodily difference related to disability. From a question raised by an audience member in the Opening Keynote panel, to comments throughout the sessions, to positive feedback to “ready, sexy, able” the session I co-presented on sexuality and disability, to another question at the closing keynote, sexuality and ability had a voice at Momentum. That is the first feminist space I’ve been in where I haven’t been the one raising all the questions. It’s also the first space I’ve been in where, as someone with a visible disability, I felt fully and completely equal to other conference participants.

While all of this requires much more exploration and discovery, I thought I’d share some of the Momentum highlights, in no particular order of significance or occurrence.

Continue reading »

“Ready, Sexy, Able” presentation coming up tomorrow

Mar 302012
 

Tomorrow morning Dr. Ruthie Neustifter and I will be presenting our workshop “ready, sexy, able” at the Momentum conference.

Our aim with this workshop is to inform, of course, but it is also to jumpstart the dialogue on sexuality and disability. With knowledge comes power. With discussion comes truth, and freedom from shame. Our North American mainstream media teaches us that sex is a luxury, a reward for being young enough, fit enough, “attractive” enough, wealthy enough. Our lived reality is one of many different bodies and many different life experiences.

WE’ve gathered together this list of definitions and resources.

This list is not complete.

Follow the instructions in the document and add your own knowledge.

Or email me at
robin@robinstoynest.com

Having trouble viewing the document? It’s a little persnickety for screen readers.

Clik here for a straight HTML version and email me at the address above if you have any suggestions.

Interview with Senior Sexuality Advocate Joan Price

Dec 272011
 

Joan Price JoanPrice.com calls herself an “advocate for ageless sexuality”. She is the author of Naked
at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex (Seal Press, 2011), Better
Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006), and several books about health and fitness, including The
Anytime, Anywhere Exercise Book: 300+ quick and easy exercises you can do whenever you want!! Joan also speaks professionally about senior sex and about fitness. Visit Joan’s award-winning blog about sex and aging at Naked At Our Age. Joan lives in Sebastopol, California, where she teaches contemporary line dancing – which she calls “the most fun you can have with both feet on the floor.”

How did Joan start writing and speaking about senior sex? For fifteen years, Joan was a widely published health and fitness writer. Then at 57, after decades of single life, she fell deeply in love with artist Robert Rice, who was then 64. Their love affair was profound, joyful, and extremely spicy. Their passion, in contrast to society’s view of older people as sexless, led Joan at age 61 to write Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006) to celebrate the delights of older-life sexuality.
read more about Joan

You can also watch Joan talk about senior sex here!

I had the opportunity a few months ago to sit in on a phone interview with Joan,and found her one of the most personable, articulate, and delightful people I’ve ever listened to. Her comppassionate but no-nonsense approach to sexuality is refreshing. Joan was kind enough to answer a few questions I had so I can share a little of her wisdom with you. Thank you Joan!

R.M. You’ve done a lot of things in your life, most of them relating to education in one way or another. I’m particularly interested in how your experience as a fitness professional and a sexuality educator interconnect. Do you think they do?

J.P. Yes, on many levels. if we feel like we’re “in” our bodies, feeling the joy of movement and the way our muscles work, we enjoy both sex and exercise more. Physiologically, exercise increases blood flow not only to the muscles and the brain, but also to the genitals, enhancing arousal and sensation. Emotionally, the better we feel about our bodies, the more sensual and sexual we are able to be. And at our age, knowing we’re treating our bodies well will let us enjoy them more, overlooking wrinkles — I hope!
Also physical exercise is great foreplay! Robert and I always made time for walking or dancing as part of our foreplay. By the time we embraced in bed, we were already in sync with each other’s bodies and our own.

R.M. What are the three most important things you’d like seniors to know about their sexuality?
J.P. 1. Our youth-oriented society’s view of seniors who enjoy sex as icky, weird, pathetic, or ludicrous is wrong, wrong, wrong! Our sexuality can be pleasurable and joyful throughout our lives.
2. If something emotional or physical is interfering with your enjoyment of your sexuality, there are solutions available! That’s why I wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, because so many of us just accept our changes as inevitable, unchangeable, and too embarrassing to seek help for – and don’t know that solutions exist that can totally change our experience.
3. We as seniors need to talk out loud about our sexuality. That’s the way we can change both society’s view and enrich our own enjoyment by seeking information, learning what’s possible, and sharing that knowledge.

R.M. I notice that you use the terms “senior sex” and “ageless sexuality”. What would you particularly like younger people to know about sex and aging.

J.P. I know it’s part of youth to believe you’ll never be old, never be wrinkly or arthritic or have saggy skin, never fall out of love or lose a partner to cancer – but this all happens! The best “sex insurance” that a young person can have for a sexually gratifying older life is to learn about the changes, listen to elders about their experiences, and embrace older people who are willing to share with you. It’s a sign of deep maturity to welcome a dialogue with elders, and emotionally enriching, too.

R.M. …and if you could say a few words about what is coming up next for you, what your current projects are, that would be terrific!

J.P. Woo hoo! I’m very excited about my new project, editing an anthology of senior erotica! This will be a collection of stories and memoir essays by writers over fifty, featuring steamy characters over fifty. Think about it – why is erotica almost always about young, hot bodies? Is there an upper age limit to being sexy, wanting sex, caring about sex? I say no. Please see my Call for Submissions.

Maria Falzone Takes the Shame Out of Sex, And Replaces It With Laughter

May 102011
 

Sex talk and comedy have a longterm, permanent relationship.

WE have all heard the jokes about sex. I don’t need to repeat them here. Some of them are genuinely funny. Most of the ones I’ve heard are degrading, derogatory to women, and often based on misinformation. If someone were basing their entire sex education on the jokes told and the “funny” things people say, they’d have a pretty skewed perception of how to have safe, happy sex.

Enter educators like Maria Falzone.

Maria Falzone has been a comedian for years. About fifteen years ago she was encouraged to bring her razor-sharp wit and impeccable sense of timing to the world of sex education. She presents her “Sex Rules” show, filled with her personal experience and spot-on advice, to students at colleges and universities and to the rest of us at community events and comedy clubs.

I’ve seen Maria present twice now, once at Momentum and once at a local comedy club, and would see her again in a heartbeat. She’s smart and funny, and speaks my language—sexual empowerment and release of sexual shame for all.

The Momentum Conference was like school for me (only more fun than any school I’ve ever been to) and I took copious notes. Here’s what I said after hearing Maria speak: “I laughed until I cried, and I adore her. Such a fabulous message. I’m feeling giddy to be in such a sex-positive space. The most beautiful moment: watching this entire roomful of people burst into applause and cheers as Maria tells us that we need to educate our young people about sex.”

The show at the Comedy club was just as fun and inspiring. My friends and I sat in the front row of a room packed full of women—this show was women-only, but not all of her shows are. (I definitely suggest going to Maria’s shows with friends so you can share the laughter and joy.) Maria soonhad us laughing, first a little nervously, then gustily,when she told us that she says clitoris (emphasis on the second syllable) because it makes it sound so much more powerful and bad-ass. Though usually shy of speaking in such a situation, the toy maven in me just had to speak up when Maria shared with the audience that she loves vibrators and owns five of them. “Did you say you have five vibrators,” I asked, a little timidly, fearing to upstage her.

“Well, yes. How many do you have?”

“Oh…I (soft laugh) I couldn’t even begin to count.”

“I love you,” was her sincere response, and my evening was made.

I want to regale you with Maria stories. I want to share her hilarious tales about her Italian-born parents (her mother’s warnings about what would happen if Maria had sex, and the time Maria’s father found her vibrator still make me chuckle), or the funny-but-sad tale of her first sexual experience, or the inspiring things that have happened in her lectures to college students, or her sassy, women-positive one-liners. Maria’s speaking has a panache, though, that this blog doesn’t have, and I really want you to see the show if you can, so I won’t spill all her secrets.

Instead of spilling all, I’ll leave you with a few gems:

  • The only reason to have sex is because you want to and because you like it. When you can have sex with the sheets off and the lights on, you can have shame-free sex. (Though I’ll add that turning the lights off or keeping the blankets up can add unique fun and challenge for established lovers.)
  • We empower our young people by teaching them about sex. Children are never too young for us to start teaching them empowerment over their bodies. By not teaching them, we give the power to sexual predators, who capitalize on children’s shame and lack of knowledge.
  • We have so much shame around sex in our society.
    Straight people get the message that sex is wrong, bad, shameful.
    Queer people get the message that they are wrong, bad, shameful.
    No one is wrong, bad, or shameful for any consensual choices they make about sex.