Blog Entries » Robin's Toy Nest

Review of Women in Lust

Nov 112011

“Lust is more than simple arousal; it is the force that makes us not just turned on, but craving a certain person (or people).”

– Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of
Women In Lust

I’m delighted to be reviewing Women In Lust. Lust is, in some ways, a four-letter word. As an educator who focuses so much on helping people learn about how sex works, about emotional and physical safety, I love being able to take a step back and remember that desire and lust are what drive sexuality. Lust doesn’t even have to be about sex. I think of lust as the desire for enjoyment. In our world, where sex is discussed with shame, fear, or a sterile detachment, lust exists to remind us of depth and human connection.

As I read Women In Lust I laughed, shed a few tears, smiled, shook my head, nodded vigorously, twitched, and…well, that’s all I can tell you!

Like most Anthologies, the stories range in style, sexual content, and degree of explicitness. I rarely like every single story I read in a collection like this, but one thing I can say for Women In Lust is that every single story impressed me in some way, even if it didn’t appeal to my personal preferences. Though these stories are primarily about sex,they all include some aspects of character and plot development, some pathway into the ways in which sex intersects with life. Perhaps it is at this intersection in which lust appears and thrives. Each story gives us subtle or specific clues into the lives of the characters, the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that have brought them to the point at which the story finds them. Sometimes it is small details that add subtlety and complexity to the tale, and sometimes it’s something more dramatic. Read Smoke through to the end and you’ll discover something that will either delight or horrify you and will cast the entire story in a new light.

Nor is there anything simple about the sex in these stories. Depictions of women in lust here are so much broader, so much more complex, so much more daring than whatever might jump to mind, mostly overused jokes about the bored housewife and the mailman. Most of these stories include some sort of kinky or taboo element, such as dominance and submission, public sex, or the fulfillment of forbidden fantasies. Rain shows us a woman, bored in her pretty, cookie-cutter life, who finds her power in exploring the submissive side of her sexuality with her best friend’s boyfriend-of-the-month. Indeed, most of these stories touch on ways people tune into their erotic fantasies for the first time. Naughty Thoughts shows us a woman who is surprised to learn that not only does her lover perceive her deepest fantasies of submission, but he knows how to satisfy them. In Bite Me our woman in lust discovers, first reluctantly, then joyfully, that she can satisfy her lover’s desire for pain. In this, and many of the other stories, we are shown the strength of erotic desire to push us past our boundaries into new and exciting places. orchid takes a step backwards, titillating us with the evidence that so-called vanilla sex is full of intriguing, spicy notes, overlying the floral sweetness in provocative ways.

I would like to have seen more stories exploring erotic connections between women. The erotic potential of same-sex fantasies and experiences is great, and there’s a rich variety of lesbian erotica out there, so I am surprised that more of it wasn’t included in this collection. On the other hand, Kayar Silkenvoice’s Cherry Blossom, is so lusciously filled with surprises and erotic details, it almost makes up for the fact that it’s the only one. It, too, illustrates the spiciness of vanilla encounters, as a chance, literal run-in between two women fuels fantasies, and a later chance encounter stokes the fire.

If women’s lust and desire, and well-crafted stories are both your thing, then you’ll love this book. Your eyes will open with surprise, your mind will say “hmm”, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be inspired to some new fantasies, and maybe even experiences, of your own.

To learn more about Women In Lust go to The Women In Lust Information Page.

Thank you so much to Rachel Kramer Bussel for the review copy of this book.

There’s Always More Than One Way to Be: A few Reflections on how I learned About Gender Differences

Nov 032011

I reject duality
Binary
Either/or not Both
I embrace spaces
Continuous Continuums
Spaces Between Places
Around, below, Above and Within
I embrace the spaces
That Mirror more
Realities

As a young girl, I was often mystified by what I perceived to be arbitrary distinctions that divided or separated people. When I was ten or eleven, and my brother was in 9th grade and on the swim team, I indignantly asked why there were separate competitions for boys and girls. It was explained to me that boys and girls have different bodies so can’t compete fairly against each other. I accepted this answer, but something still didn’t feel right.

Something didn’t feel right, but I was a girl’s girl. I wished I’d been born in Victorian—upper class Victorian—times, so I could wear flouncy, fussy outfits and learn how to courtesy. I thought it would be fun to be that kind of girl.

At school the teacher often divided the class into teams, the boys on one side and the girls on the other, when we had spelling contests. That made sense though, since there was an equal number of boys and girls. In seventh grade we participated in a public health program on healthy relationships. The boys and girls were separated for the activities. The girls made lists of desirable qualities in an ideal boyfriend. The boys made lists of ideal qualities in a girlfriend. I thought nothing of it.

When I was in eleventh grade my biology teacher taught the class that there is only a three percent difference between average male and average female bodies. The rest of my classmates didn’t believe her. They objected vehemently, pointing to body size and facial hair, vocal tone and hand size. I eagerly searched my meager knowledge to see if I could support or refute her claim. I knew large women and skinny men. I knew women who would crush you with their handshakes—strong and purposeful—and men who shook as if they, and you, were delicate flowers. I also realized that the primary and secondary sex characteristics didn’t account for so terribly much of the human body, so a 3 percent difference seemed plausible. It’s an interesting lesson in genetics, really—to understand the awesomeness, in the truest sense of the word—of human genetic material.

Later, most likely in college, I learned about intersexed people, people whose bodies reflect “male” and “female” sex characteristics. I also learned that gender, being a boy or girl, man or woman, is a social construction. There is no inherent social or biological reason why baby girls should be dressed in and surrounded by pink and why baby boys should be dressed in or surrounded by blue. I learned that the constructed passivity of femininity serves very few people. I also learned that there is more than lesbian and gay, even more than bisexual.

Some of this I learned in books. More of it I learned by meeting people. People who shared parts of themselves with me—sometimes “out-and-proud” parts, sometimes secret, painful parts that hadn’t yet seen the light of day. There is no one way, not even one set of categories, that can be used to describe the richness of the human existence.

Sex and Disability: What Does the Literature Say?

Oct 302011

The following is a brief literature review I wrote recently, looking at the sex education needs of adults with physical disabilities.

The field of sexuality and disability is gaining in popularity among researchers and service providers, but there is still relatively little published material. Gaining a picture of the overall field requires looking at writing and research performed over the last decade and drawing inferences between these writings. Many studies, for example,address only one population of people with disabilities, such as those with spinal cord injuries (see, for example, Sakellariou, 2006). Many studies, whether researching a specific population or examining a specific issue, have been conducted on small scales. To gain an appreciation for the multi-faceted issues in this field, it is helpful to see sexuality as something that everyone, regardless of ability, is concerned with

One thing that becomes clear is that people with disabilities, both congenital and acquired, do have an interest in sexuality, are sexual beings, and want more information from their medical and rehabilitation support teams. In a study of young men and women with cerebral palsy, ninety percent of the participants reported that their rehabilitation did not include information on sexuality; most of these participants expressed a desire for this information (Wiegerink, Roebroeck, Bender, Stam, & Cohen-Kettenis 2011). In The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, Kaufman et al offer firsthand accounts from peple with various disabilities on the unwillingness of doctors and other medical support staff to provide information about, or answer questions concerning, sexuality (2007).

Revealed is a broad resistance to including sexual information in medical and rehabilitation treatments. It has been suggested that this arises from practitioners’ personal discomfort with discussing sexuality, and a lack of training in ways to discuss these topics with patients or clients (Akinci, Yildiz & Zengin 2011). The literature onA study of rehabilitation providers for survivors of spinal cord injuries shows the necessity of professional training in addressing patients’ sexual concerns, and the proposed need for this training to be discipline specific (Fronek, Kendall, Booth, Eugarde & Geraghty 2011). This material shows the clear need for sexuality to be included in the training of medical, rehabilitation, and other health care professionals, but the rigours of research only allow a limited amount of generalization in this matter.
As important as it is to encourage discussion of sexuality between health care providers and people with mobility disabilities, it’s also crucial to avoid the trap of viewing sexuality as a medical issue. Wiegerink et al measured their participants’ physical and emotional sexual concerns, while mostly avoiding a broader picture of sexuality (2011). A limited amount of work has been done calling into question the medicalized perspective of sexuality as a collection of physical responses. A study of men with spinal injuries, for example, found that the major impediments to sexual activity and sexual satisfaction were the prejudices of others and the difficulty of getting the needed assistance to make sexual activities possible and accessible (Sakellariou 2006). This brings forth the main motivation for people to be sexual—the pursuit of pleasure and intimacy. The primary dialogues on sexuality and people with disabilities encompass reproductive issues, assumption of asexuality, abuse and victimization, and medical concerns about bodily functioning. What is missing is a “discourse of pleasure” (Tepper 2000). Tepper’s research is also with people who have spinal cord injuries, and what emerges, from a population that, for the most part, has been disabled in adulthood, is a strong desire to redefine and experience sexual intimacy and pleasure and to break down the socially and medically constructed barriers that prevent them from doing so. Additionally, promoting sexual pleasure for people with disabilities ties into promoting sexual self-esteem. IN a study of women with physical impairments, Hassouneh-Phillips and Mcneff draw connections between reported low sexual self-esteem among women with physical disabilities and the documented high probability of their experiencing intimate partner violence(2005).
As referenced above, The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability highlighted the voices of people with disabilities and brings together all these aspects of sexual practices, feelings of self-worth, experiencing feelings of self-worth, pleasure, and interactions with medical,, personal care, and rehabilitation personnel (Kaufman, Silverberg & Odette 2007). Though written primarily for people with disabilities and those who love them, the Ultimate Guide To Sex And Disability is considered a timeless and seminal book for educators and health care professionals. What is needed is more awareness of the ways educators can bridge the gap and offer supportive, educational material to people with mobility disabilities.

References Cited

Akinci, A. C., Yildiz, H., & Zengin, N. (2011). The Level of Comfort Among Nursing Students During
Sexual Counseling to Patients Who Have Chronic Medical Conditions. Sexuality And Disability, 19. 11-20

Crawford, D, & Ostrove, J. M. (2003) Representations of Disability and the Interpersonal Relationships of Women with Disabilities. Women and Therapy, 26:3. 179-194.

Fronek, P., Kendall, M., Booth, Susan, Eugarde, E. & Geraghty, T. (2011). A Longitudinal Study of Sexuality Training for the Interdisciplinary Rehabilitation Team. Sexuality and Disability, 29. 87—100
Hassouneh-Phillips, D. & McNeff, E. (2005). “I Thought I was Less Worthy”: Low Sexual and Body Esteem and Increased Vulnerability to Intimate Partner Abuse in Women with Physical Disabilities. Sexuality and Disability, 23:4. 227
Kaufman, M., Silverberg, C., & Odette, F. (2007). THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SEX AND DISABILITY For All of Us Who Live
With Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness. San Fransisco, CA. Cleis Press.

Sakellariou, D. (2006). If not the Disability, then what? Barriers to Reclaiming Sexuality Following Spinal Cord Injury. Sexuality and Disability, 24. 101–111

Tepper, M. (2000). Sexuality and Disability: The Missing Discourse of Pleasure. Sexuality and Disability, 18:4. 283-290

Wiegerink, D., Roebroeck, M., Bender, J., Stam, H., & Cohen-Kettenis, P. (2011). Sexuality of Young Adults with Cerebral Palsy: Experienced Limitations and Needs. Sexuality and Disability, 29:2. 119-128

Wilson, A. S. (2011). Meaningful Sex Education Programs for Individuals with Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities Sexuality & Disability, 29. 113-118

The national Lesbian Health organization, plus sexual healing workshop

Oct 202011

Last year I learned about the The Mautner Project, The National Lesbian Health Organization based in the Washington DC aarea. Mautner Project promotes health and wellness for same-sex attracted women through educational and support services, and advocacy. Among the many things they Do, Mautner Project conducts:

support groups for lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals coping with cancer and other serious illneesses
health education for lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals
training and advocacy with health care professionals on issues and concerns facing lesbian, bisexual and transgender patients or clients
Research into the health realities and needs of same-sex attracted women

I had the opportunity to attend a workshop workshop at Mautner’s office, and was impressed by the warm friendliness and dedication of the staf.

Tonight I will be offering a workshop on sexual healing for trauma survivors, as part of Mautner’s new tele-workshop series. I am delighted to be able to offer a little slice of support to Mautner’s clients and supporters.

The workshop is free to all Mautner Project clients. Mautner requests a $5 donation from all others who listen live or access the recording later. The money goes straight to Mautner and helps them continue the fabulous, and much-needed, work they already do.

Details:

Time: October 20 8 PM Eastern

Description:
Join Robin as she gives a workshop on having healthy sexual exploration after a sexual assault. Open to both survivors and their partners, as well as health care professionals who work with LGBT-identified survivors of sexual assault, this workshop will give its participants many practical resources as well as gentle encouragement to keep on the journey to sexual fulfillment and ecstasy.

Call-in Info and paypal Donation link

If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available either from me or from the Mautner Project beginning next week.

Please join me in sharing information and supportive energy for sexual healing.

Pleasurists #147

Sep 162011

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out
in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed
and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists 146? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 148? Be sure to read the submission
guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday September 18th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Win an Autographed Copy of “Slave to Love”! Deadline: September 13th @ Noon.
Blogiversary Giveaway…for the boys Deadline:
September 15th @ 11:59pm Central.
P Style Deadline: September 18th @ 11:59pm Central.
Win an njoy Pure Wand Deadline: September 18th.
Win a Back to Bed Bundle Worth £100+ Deadline: September 31st.

Editor’s Pick

Barbara Carrellas’ Urban Tantra by Lucy Lemonade

I would describe Tantra as the presence of body and mind, breath, and pure enjoyment. This is the description I’ve developed from reading
Urban Tantra, what I felt the book was trying to convey to me. Like some individuals I had the thought that Tantra was only for white, upper middle-class
couples approaching mid-life crisis. Finishing Urban Tantra I consider it an excellent solo practice for self pleasure which can be combined with another
individual.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus

Nurture Your Senses (solo seduction #1)

Sep 112011

One of the things I think we tend to do, that we’re encouraged to do, really, is to only pamper or treat ourselves well for others. Think about all the sensory experiences that go into getting ready for a date.

Prepping for a date usually includes some sensual delights even if we don’t see them that way: The envigoration of a quick hot shower, or the relaxation of a long scented bath. The feeling, on your hands and on your head, of brushing and styling your hair. Even the deliberation over clothing, trying to find what will help you look and feel your best, can be an enjoyable experience of colour, texture, and sensation. I think it’s fair to say that most people find these things exciting because of the anticipation (even nervous anticipation) of the date. Let’s find them exciting and enjoyable in their own right.

Whether we’re partnered or single, we deserve to enjoy these experiences whenever we like. Going even further, I think we can learn to enjoy taking ourselves on a date. This might mean going out or staying in for an evening to ourselves. What you do might depend on whether you live with people–that is, how easy it is to get time alone.

Here’s the thing though: Whatever your preparation ritual for a date with someone else would be, do it for yourself.If that means throwing on jeans and a t-shirt, then by all means. If that means taking time with your appearance and outfit selection, go for it! never been on a date with someone else? Imagine what you’d want it to be like, and make it happen for yourself.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some ideas for what I like to call solo seduction.

Friendly readers: What are your pre-date rituals? Would you consider practicing those rituals simply for your own enjoyment?

new Free Tele-class on Wednesday!

Sep 102011

Join me this Wednesday (the 14th) at 9 PM EDt for a myth-busting introduction to butt sex. Learn how this sexual activity really works, and why people do it.

Here Are the details:

But….But….Butt Sex

Butt ssex is one of those practices that a lot of people do, many more think about, and that almost no one talks about in so-called polite society. Whether you are curious, have dabbled with anal sex, or are convinced that your butt is “exit only”, join me to learn what the butt buzz is all about. You may just find yourself surprised.

You Will learn:

Truths and myths about health and safety.
Tips for getting started with solo or partner butt play.
Resources for helpful toys and products.

To access this tele-class dial:

1-712-432-3066
conference code: 265077

As always, you can Email Me with questions or comments.

Looking forward to having you there!

Toy Review: Meet The Papaya Toys Tattoo

Sep 042011

Papaya Toys hit the U.S. market with a bang—or a buzz—at the end of July. The line consists of four 100% medical-grade silicone vibrators of varying sizes and textures. They come in a variety of fun colours, including grape and strawberry.

The Tattoo is the smallest of the Papaya collection, measuring in at 8.5 inches long and 1.4 inches in diameter. The slightly flexible, rounded head and long body makes it ideal for external and internal stimulation. The silicone is on the firmer side and wonderfully smooth, except for the slightly raised “tattoo” on each side. You can use this vibe anywhere vibration would feel good, though since it doesn’t have a flared base, please be careful when inserting it in the butt. For such a simple looking toy, the Tattoo has a delightfully strong and steady (and surprisingly quiet) vibration and the coolest controls I’ve ever seen. Two soft touch buttons near the base of the toy turn it on and off and control the vibration speed and three pulsation patterns. You can turn this toy on or off with a simple tap. The buttons are positioned for easy reach, but are out of the way enough to prevent inadvertently turning the toy off at an inconvenient time.

The only drawback to this toy is the assembly. Screwing it back together after putting the batteries in can be challenging for small, painful, or weak hands. The grooves fit together tightly (part of the waterproofing feature) and making them line up was tough for my petite, not-very-strong, hands. I always recommend that people remove batteries from their vibes after every use. This saves wear and tear on the toy and prolongs the life of the batteries. However, if taking the toy apart and putting it back together frequently will challenge your strength and dexterity, I suggest leaving the batteries in and storing the toy in a place where it will not be turned on by accident. Of course, you will still need to replace the batteries after they wear out.

All Papaya toys are completely waterproof. The toy I received did not pass the submersion test, but, after speaking with someone from the company, I concluded that I likely hadn’t screwed the toy together tightly enough or that mine was one of the very few that wasn’t actually waterproof.

I’m really excited to see this new company grow and flourish. Their toys are thoughtfully made for pleasure, and are wonderful to look at, too. They’re quiet enough to use in close quarters, and come with a silky soft, sturdily made storage bag.

Specs
Type of Toy: waterproof vibrator
Company: Papaya Toys
Price: $80 (USD)
Length: 8.5 inches
Diameter: 1.4 inches
Power Source: 2 AA batteries

You can get your ownTattoo, or any of the other toys, from papayatoys.com or in person from the New York, Chicago, or Los Angeles location of The Pleasure Chest.

Thank you Pam from Papaya for sending this gorgeous toy for me to review.

Naming Names: Musing On The Power of Pseudonyms

Aug 072011

When I was in fifth grade, my best friend at the time decided to change her name. Reactions ranged from surprise to derision. I imagine that the adults around us–with the exception of her mother–were indulgently dismissive, granting this act of self-naming little more respect than they would give to a three-year-old who announced authoritatively that he was now a grown-up.

She held fast, and with the support of her mother soon had everyone calling her by her new name, which she’d borrowed from her favourite soprano in musical theatre. She aspired to singing and performance, so this name choice was a perfect fit, if, perhaps, a little unoriginal.

Fast forward twenty years to my introduction to sexuality communities. I now know many people who use a variety of names depending on the setting. If you write about sex in your spare time, or if you participate in so-called alternative sex, or if you work in the sex industry, you are susceptible to censure from coworkers, employers, family members, friends, medical professionals. You can (and people do) lose jobs, child custody, real-life community support. All for celebrating, enjoying, and sharing the lusciousness of sexuality.

People who do this have to ensure their safety and their livelihoods. Some use pseudynyms. Some don’t publish pictures that could be used to identify them. Some enjoy their sexual escapades far away from home.

It’s not just sexual people, though. Just before posting this, I came across the
My Name Is Me project, a project that promotes the right, and even the necessity, for being able to use whatever name one wishes, particularly online. Some of the other people who benefit from the protection of a pseudonym: teachers, law enforcement officers, and medical professionals who wish to distance their leisure activities from professional scrutiny, those at risk for or experiencing violence, people whose religious, social or political views would get them in trouble in real space, and so on. I think you get the picture. Creating one’s own identity is a matter of safety and freedom.

Today I’m thinking, too, about the empowering aspects of choosing your own name.

A few weeks ago I was joking with a friend, and I said something about how I knew a mutual friend’s “real” name. That was wrong, both because I was mocking the power I could potentially have over someone, and because a name on a birth certificate isn’t any more real than anything else.

Power and playfulness: In choosing to name themselves, people can harness their creativity. They can choose names that sound sexy, artistic, smart, funny, freaky, or perhaps a little bit of all of it. The name can truly match the personality. They can choose a name that reflects who they are, or who they want to be. For some, choosing a new name may be a powerful way to move away from the constricting expectations of those who bestowed them with their birth certificate name. Certainly, there are devious reasons for people to develop personae and names that aren’t real, but I firmly believe that the majority of people who do this, because they must or simply because they want to, are expressing their authentic selves. There’s a freedom in naming oneself.

So, my friendly readers. What do you think? Should we be allowed to name ourselves? What would you name yourself if you were so inclined? Where would you use this new name?

ELust #28

Aug 022011

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #29 (Which will be in September, taking a short summer break)? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

What makes me a woman? - It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street. But what is the answer?

Baggage: An Inventory – Everyone brings bags with them. My goal is to carry my own bags. I’ll let people help me shed them, but I will never let them carry them. Those bags are my own to, well, own.

There’s pain and then there’s pain (and then there’s pain) -Part of what I crave in the second type of pain is the selfish sadism of the partner who continues despite my pleas. He does it because it arouses him, and he does it because I’ll endure it for him.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What Is Gender? – Playing with dolls and preferring the color pink doesn’t make you a girl anymore than chewing on a bone makes you my dog.

~ e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly ~

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning them – There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

Older Entries Newer Entries

Robin's Toy Nest

Review of Women in Lust

There’s Always More Than One Way to Be: A few Reflections on how I learned About Gender Differences

Sex and Disability: What Does the Literature Say?

The national Lesbian Health organization, plus sexual healing workshop

Pleasurists #147

Nurture Your Senses (solo seduction #1)

new Free Tele-class on Wednesday!

Toy Review: Meet The Papaya Toys Tattoo

Naming Names: Musing On The Power of Pseudonyms

ELust #28

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