Free tele-classes are back! I have a brand-new class for you on G-spot play.

When: Thursday February 2 at 8 PM EST

What: A 30-minute tele-class all about the G-spot–and related yummy topics.

Where: No need to go out in the cold and snow for this one. Call in from wherever you are and listen. I suggest curling up on the couch with herbal tea or hot chocolate, but that part is optional.

You can access the class by calling:

1-712-432-3066
conference code: 265077

So, if you want to learn what this G-spot stuff is all about, how to find it, and what to do when you get there, please join me.

Any questions? Anything you’d specifically like to hear me address in this class? Suggestions for future classes?

Comment to this post or email me at
robin@robinstoynest.com

Jan 212012

lady grinning soul - january
Photo courtesy of Lady Grinning Soul

Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as libido, fake orgasms, teenage lust, voyeurism, BDSM consent and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #33? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ The Top Three Posts ~

Assent Matters by SherynBFind your emotional power to recognize and say “no” to what you don’t want BEFORE you get naked and tied up and give up your actual physical power to walk away to anybody.

Forever The Night‘Why the hell shouldn’t I listen? This is my home, my bedroom after all’. So I do listen and I do feel myself twitch at every minute sound on the other side of that fucking wall.

Hands. Fingers. Pleasure.This was the first time a boy’s fingers had such unfettered access to my pussy. Prior gropings under and through clothes had never been like this.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Fake Orgasm: You think you know, but you have no ideaI am 34 and I have faked orgasms. There ya have it. But I have never and will never qualify doing so as “I did it for him”.

~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

Sadie Says… AwakeIn the haze of my missing libido I also lost myself. I began to wonder if I remembered who the hell I was?

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading »

Joan Price JoanPrice.com calls herself an “advocate for ageless sexuality”. She is the author of Naked
at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex
(Seal Press, 2011), Better
Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty
(Seal Press, 2006), and several books about health and fitness, including The
Anytime, Anywhere Exercise Book: 300+ quick and easy exercises you can do whenever you want!
! Joan also speaks professionally about senior sex and about fitness. Visit Joan’s award-winning blog about sex and aging at Naked At Our Age. Joan lives in Sebastopol, California, where she teaches contemporary line dancing – which she calls “the most fun you can have with both feet on the floor.”

How did Joan start writing and speaking about senior sex? For fifteen years, Joan was a widely published health and fitness writer. Then at 57, after decades of single life, she fell deeply in love with artist Robert Rice, who was then 64. Their love affair was profound, joyful, and extremely spicy. Their passion, in contrast to society’s view of older people as sexless, led Joan at age 61 to write Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006) to celebrate the delights of older-life sexuality.
read more about Joan

You can also watch Joan talk about senior sex here!

I had the opportunity a few months ago to sit in on a phone interview with Joan,and found her one of the most personable, articulate, and delightful people I’ve ever listened to. Her comppassionate but no-nonsense approach to sexuality is refreshing. Joan was kind enough to answer a few questions I had so I can share a little of her wisdom with you. Thank you Joan!

R.M. You’ve done a lot of things in your life, most of them relating to education in one way or another. I’m particularly interested in how your experience as a fitness professional and a sexuality educator interconnect. Do you think they do?

J.P. Yes, on many levels. if we feel like we’re “in” our bodies, feeling the joy of movement and the way our muscles work, we enjoy both sex and exercise more. Physiologically, exercise increases blood flow not only to the muscles and the brain, but also to the genitals, enhancing arousal and sensation. Emotionally, the better we feel about our bodies, the more sensual and sexual we are able to be. And at our age, knowing we’re treating our bodies well will let us enjoy them more, overlooking wrinkles — I hope!
Also physical exercise is great foreplay! Robert and I always made time for walking or dancing as part of our foreplay. By the time we embraced in bed, we were already in sync with each other’s bodies and our own.

R.M. What are the three most important things you’d like seniors to know about their sexuality?
J.P. 1. Our youth-oriented society’s view of seniors who enjoy sex as icky, weird, pathetic, or ludicrous is wrong, wrong, wrong! Our sexuality can be pleasurable and joyful throughout our lives.
2. If something emotional or physical is interfering with your enjoyment of your sexuality, there are solutions available! That’s why I wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, because so many of us just accept our changes as inevitable, unchangeable, and too embarrassing to seek help for – and don’t know that solutions exist that can totally change our experience.
3. We as seniors need to talk out loud about our sexuality. That’s the way we can change both society’s view and enrich our own enjoyment by seeking information, learning what’s possible, and sharing that knowledge.

R.M. I notice that you use the terms “senior sex” and “ageless sexuality”. What would you particularly like younger people to know about sex and aging.

J.P. I know it’s part of youth to believe you’ll never be old, never be wrinkly or arthritic or have saggy skin, never fall out of love or lose a partner to cancer – but this all happens! The best “sex insurance” that a young person can have for a sexually gratifying older life is to learn about the changes, listen to elders about their experiences, and embrace older people who are willing to share with you. It’s a sign of deep maturity to welcome a dialogue with elders, and emotionally enriching, too.

R.M. …and if you could say a few words about what is coming up next for you, what your current projects are, that would be terrific!

J.P. Woo hoo! I’m very excited about my new project, editing an anthology of senior erotica! This will be a collection of stories and memoir essays by writers over fifty, featuring steamy characters over fifty. Think about it – why is erotica almost always about young, hot bodies? Is there an upper age limit to being sexy, wanting sex, caring about sex? I say no. Please see my Call for Submissions.

Recently, I decided to interview a mighty, but oft-underappreciated organ—the clitoris.

Here is my interpretation of what she had to say. All errors are my own.

We hear much of the primacy of the penis. It’s big, it gets hard, it squirts stuff. The clit doesn’t make herself known in such dramatic ways, so she is often ignored. She doesn’t like this. She gets even by being impressive and demanding, mysterious and ineffably subtle. The clit sat down with me the other day and asked me to tell the story of how and why she is so great. Being a sex educator, and, more importantly, a woman, I was happy to oblige.

The clit is very proud of herself. She is the only organ in the human body—in any human body—that was designed specifically for pleasure. Now that’s intelligent design if she ever saw it!

She gets mad when she hears people say that she is only the size of a pea. Sure, the Princess could feel the pea through her fluffy bedding in that fairy tale, but… A pea, really? Hrmph! (It is at this point in the story that the clit retracted into her hood. It took all of my interviewing skills to get her to come back out and finish her tale.)

Sometimes she is much larger than a pea, and even then, that’s only the part you can see. The clit would like everyone to know that she is so complex, so much so that people—smart people, in her opinion—call her the clitoral complex. What people call the clit, is actually the head of the clitoris, or clitoral complex. The shaft, what the narcissistic clit prefers to call her body, extends about an inch back into the human body, and has “legs” that extend back, on each side under the labia, towards the butt. If one were to trace the labia with one’s fingers, which even our greedy clit would deem appropriate behavior (but not for too long), one would be tracing the path of these clitoral legs. The clitoral complex is essentially wishbone -shaped. The clit recommends rubbing her head; she may grant you a wish. More like a genie than a wishbone.

The clit is very demanding. She thrums and throbs and tingles, and if you look very carefully, you can see how she grows. Wetness usually emerges from the labial folds in which she nests, for her comfort and your convenience. She appreciates wetness, but frowns on some bottled lubricants particularly those with irritating chemicals and fragrances. She wants to remind people that she is the essence of fragility and strength, and must be treated with the utmost of respect and tenderness. She hates the redness that comes with irritation, and is so pleasure-focused that even the slightest hint towards discomfort makes her angry and resentful. This means no burning chemicals. She rebels against this treatment by developing a rash or irritation and feeling too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Her sister, or her neighbor—I’m not quite clear on that—the vagina, sometimes develops yeast infections from the glycerin in some lubricants, which makes the clit sulk indeed for she rarely gets attention while the vagina recovers. Sometimes they have arguments! (Here, the clit began to sulk again. I had to gently assure her that I only keep the best of lubricants in my house and that she could continue to trust me with her story. She must have felt conciliatory, for she continues with…))

The clitoris is not purely self-centered, though. When treated well, she gives generously of her softness and warmth. She recognizes that she is only part of a network—well, actually, she says, she’s the leader of the network—of nerves that bring pleasure to the body. She says actually that if you want to know what is going on with her, you should watch the face she is attached to. She suggests looking for flushed skin, closed or rolling eyes, and increased heat.

The clit is persistent. and when she peeks her little head out from its hood, she won’t take no for an answer.

(I begged the clit to tell me more, she insisted that she needed to rest up. She had a big date lined up, and was quite confident that she would be getting some attention before the appointed time. Grudgingly, she granted me time more one more tidbit, one that she assured me would assert her supremacy. She is most proud to know that her truth has been recorded in a book, a book most appropriately—she stressed the appropriateness:
The Clitoral Truth.

Author’s note: No clitoris was harmed in the writing of this piece. If there is any resemblance between the clit in this story and any other clitoris, it is purely by coincidence.

Nov 182011

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists 155? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 157? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday November 20th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Editor
Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews:

Continue reading »

Nov 132011

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #32 ? Start with the rules, come back in January to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

A Feminist Defense of Consensual NonconsentHow does a woman who identifies as a feminist reconcile her desire to submit to her partner during sex? Being somewhat new to kink, I had some trepidations about how submission seemingly went against my ethics.

IntimatesAs the evening drew on, I felt like the sexiest woman alive. It’s strange to describe it this way, but I actually felt brimming with a sort of sexual energy. A lustiness, a sexiness, an allure and a desire all at once.

Tightest SpaceI’m paying close attention to your moans, and I stop whenever it feels like it might be too much. But the incredibly tight feeling of your ass gripping my cock is so delicious that I need to get all the way in.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

An Open Letter to the Sex Toy IndustryI write this post not to just let off some steam but with the smallest glimmer of hope that maybe…….just maybe….some of these words will land on the right computer screen and be taken to heart. Maybe one change will happen.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

International #Fisting Day!!Beyond awareness and calling for action, I think International Fisting Day is a great day to celebrate fisting; an intimate, hugely erotic and often orgasmic act that doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading »

“Lust is more than simple arousal; it is the force that makes us not just turned on, but craving a certain person (or people).”

– Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of
Women In Lust

I’m delighted to be reviewing Women In Lust. Lust is, in some ways, a four-letter word. As an educator who focuses so much on helping people learn about how sex works, about emotional and physical safety, I love being able to take a step back and remember that desire and lust are what drive sexuality. Lust doesn’t even have to be about sex. I think of lust as the desire for enjoyment. In our world, where sex is discussed with shame, fear, or a sterile detachment, lust exists to remind us of depth and human connection.

As I read Women In Lust I laughed, shed a few tears, smiled, shook my head, nodded vigorously, twitched, and…well, that’s all I can tell you!

Like most Anthologies, the stories range in style, sexual content, and degree of explicitness. I rarely like every single story I read in a collection like this, but one thing I can say for Women In Lust is that every single story impressed me in some way, even if it didn’t appeal to my personal preferences. Though these stories are primarily about sex,they all include some aspects of character and plot development, some pathway into the ways in which sex intersects with life. Perhaps it is at this intersection in which lust appears and thrives. Each story gives us subtle or specific clues into the lives of the characters, the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that have brought them to the point at which the story finds them. Sometimes it is small details that add subtlety and complexity to the tale, and sometimes it’s something more dramatic. Read Smoke through to the end and you’ll discover something that will either delight or horrify you and will cast the entire story in a new light.

Nor is there anything simple about the sex in these stories. Depictions of women in lust here are so much broader, so much more complex, so much more daring than whatever might jump to mind, mostly overused jokes about the bored housewife and the mailman. Most of these stories include some sort of kinky or taboo element, such as dominance and submission, public sex, or the fulfillment of forbidden fantasies. Rain shows us a woman, bored in her pretty, cookie-cutter life, who finds her power in exploring the submissive side of her sexuality with her best friend’s boyfriend-of-the-month. Indeed, most of these stories touch on ways people tune into their erotic fantasies for the first time. Naughty Thoughts shows us a woman who is surprised to learn that not only does her lover perceive her deepest fantasies of submission, but he knows how to satisfy them. In Bite Me our woman in lust discovers, first reluctantly, then joyfully, that she can satisfy her lover’s desire for pain. In this, and many of the other stories, we are shown the strength of erotic desire to push us past our boundaries into new and exciting places. orchid takes a step backwards, titillating us with the evidence that so-called vanilla sex is full of intriguing, spicy notes, overlying the floral sweetness in provocative ways.

I would like to have seen more stories exploring erotic connections between women. The erotic potential of same-sex fantasies and experiences is great, and there’s a rich variety of lesbian erotica out there, so I am surprised that more of it wasn’t included in this collection. On the other hand, Kayar Silkenvoice’s Cherry Blossom, is so lusciously filled with surprises and erotic details, it almost makes up for the fact that it’s the only one. It, too, illustrates the spiciness of vanilla encounters, as a chance, literal run-in between two women fuels fantasies, and a later chance encounter stokes the fire.

If women’s lust and desire, and well-crafted stories are both your thing, then you’ll love this book. Your eyes will open with surprise, your mind will say “hmm”, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be inspired to some new fantasies, and maybe even experiences, of your own.

To learn more about Women In Lust go to The Women In Lust Information Page.

Thank you so much to Rachel Kramer Bussel for the review copy of this book.

I reject duality
Binary
Either/or not Both
I embrace spaces
Continuous Continuums
Spaces Between Places
Around, below, Above and Within
I embrace the spaces
That Mirror more
Realities

As a young girl, I was often mystified by what I perceived to be arbitrary distinctions that divided or separated people. When I was ten or eleven, and my brother was in 9th grade and on the swim team, I indignantly asked why there were separate competitions for boys and girls. It was explained to me that boys and girls have different bodies so can’t compete fairly against each other. I accepted this answer, but something still didn’t feel right.

Something didn’t feel right, but I was a girl’s girl. I wished I’d been born in Victorian—upper class Victorian—times, so I could wear flouncy, fussy outfits and learn how to courtesy. I thought it would be fun to be that kind of girl.

At school the teacher often divided the class into teams, the boys on one side and the girls on the other, when we had spelling contests. That made sense though, since there was an equal number of boys and girls. In seventh grade we participated in a public health program on healthy relationships. The boys and girls were separated for the activities. The girls made lists of desirable qualities in an ideal boyfriend. The boys made lists of ideal qualities in a girlfriend. I thought nothing of it.

When I was in eleventh grade my biology teacher taught the class that there is only a three percent difference between average male and average female bodies. The rest of my classmates didn’t believe her. They objected vehemently, pointing to body size and facial hair, vocal tone and hand size. I eagerly searched my meager knowledge to see if I could support or refute her claim. I knew large women and skinny men. I knew women who would crush you with their handshakes—strong and purposeful—and men who shook as if they, and you, were delicate flowers. I also realized that the primary and secondary sex characteristics didn’t account for so terribly much of the human body, so a 3 percent difference seemed plausible. It’s an interesting lesson in genetics, really—to understand the awesomeness, in the truest sense of the word—of human genetic material.

Later, most likely in college, I learned about intersexed people, people whose bodies reflect “male” and “female” sex characteristics. I also learned that gender, being a boy or girl, man or woman, is a social construction. There is no inherent social or biological reason why baby girls should be dressed in and surrounded by pink and why baby boys should be dressed in or surrounded by blue. I learned that the constructed passivity of femininity serves very few people. I also learned that there is more than lesbian and gay, even more than bisexual.

Some of this I learned in books. More of it I learned by meeting people. People who shared parts of themselves with me—sometimes “out-and-proud” parts, sometimes secret, painful parts that hadn’t yet seen the light of day. There is no one way, not even one set of categories, that can be used to describe the richness of the human existence.

The following is a brief literature review I wrote recently, looking at the sex education needs of adults with physical disabilities.

The field of sexuality and disability is gaining in popularity among researchers and service providers, but there is still relatively little published material. Gaining a picture of the overall field requires looking at writing and research performed over the last decade and drawing inferences between these writings. Many studies, for example,address only one population of people with disabilities, such as those with spinal cord injuries (see, for example, Sakellariou, 2006). Many studies, whether researching a specific population or examining a specific issue, have been conducted on small scales. To gain an appreciation for the multi-faceted issues in this field, it is helpful to see sexuality as something that everyone, regardless of ability, is concerned with

One thing that becomes clear is that people with disabilities, both congenital and acquired, do have an interest in sexuality, are sexual beings, and want more information from their medical and rehabilitation support teams. In a study of young men and women with cerebral palsy, ninety percent of the participants reported that their rehabilitation did not include information on sexuality; most of these participants expressed a desire for this information (Wiegerink, Roebroeck, Bender, Stam, & Cohen-Kettenis 2011). In The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, Kaufman et al offer firsthand accounts from peple with various disabilities on the unwillingness of doctors and other medical support staff to provide information about, or answer questions concerning, sexuality (2007).

Revealed is a broad resistance to including sexual information in medical and rehabilitation treatments. It has been suggested that this arises from practitioners’ personal discomfort with discussing sexuality, and a lack of training in ways to discuss these topics with patients or clients (Akinci, Yildiz & Zengin 2011). The literature onA study of rehabilitation providers for survivors of spinal cord injuries shows the necessity of professional training in addressing patients’ sexual concerns, and the proposed need for this training to be discipline specific (Fronek, Kendall, Booth, Eugarde & Geraghty 2011). This material shows the clear need for sexuality to be included in the training of medical, rehabilitation, and other health care professionals, but the rigours of research only allow a limited amount of generalization in this matter.
As important as it is to encourage discussion of sexuality between health care providers and people with mobility disabilities, it’s also crucial to avoid the trap of viewing sexuality as a medical issue. Wiegerink et al measured their participants’ physical and emotional sexual concerns, while mostly avoiding a broader picture of sexuality (2011). A limited amount of work has been done calling into question the medicalized perspective of sexuality as a collection of physical responses. A study of men with spinal injuries, for example, found that the major impediments to sexual activity and sexual satisfaction were the prejudices of others and the difficulty of getting the needed assistance to make sexual activities possible and accessible (Sakellariou 2006). This brings forth the main motivation for people to be sexual—the pursuit of pleasure and intimacy. The primary dialogues on sexuality and people with disabilities encompass reproductive issues, assumption of asexuality, abuse and victimization, and medical concerns about bodily functioning. What is missing is a “discourse of pleasure” (Tepper 2000). Tepper’s research is also with people who have spinal cord injuries, and what emerges, from a population that, for the most part, has been disabled in adulthood, is a strong desire to redefine and experience sexual intimacy and pleasure and to break down the socially and medically constructed barriers that prevent them from doing so. Additionally, promoting sexual pleasure for people with disabilities ties into promoting sexual self-esteem. IN a study of women with physical impairments, Hassouneh-Phillips and Mcneff draw connections between reported low sexual self-esteem among women with physical disabilities and the documented high probability of their experiencing intimate partner violence(2005).
As referenced above, The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability highlighted the voices of people with disabilities and brings together all these aspects of sexual practices, feelings of self-worth, experiencing feelings of self-worth, pleasure, and interactions with medical,, personal care, and rehabilitation personnel (Kaufman, Silverberg & Odette 2007). Though written primarily for people with disabilities and those who love them, the Ultimate Guide To Sex And Disability is considered a timeless and seminal book for educators and health care professionals. What is needed is more awareness of the ways educators can bridge the gap and offer supportive, educational material to people with mobility disabilities.

References Cited

Akinci, A. C., Yildiz, H., & Zengin, N. (2011). The Level of Comfort Among Nursing Students During
Sexual Counseling to Patients Who Have Chronic Medical Conditions. Sexuality And Disability, 19. 11-20

Crawford, D, & Ostrove, J. M. (2003) Representations of Disability and the Interpersonal Relationships of Women with Disabilities. Women and Therapy, 26:3. 179-194.

Fronek, P., Kendall, M., Booth, Susan, Eugarde, E. & Geraghty, T. (2011). A Longitudinal Study of Sexuality Training for the Interdisciplinary Rehabilitation Team. Sexuality and Disability, 29. 87—100
Hassouneh-Phillips, D. & McNeff, E. (2005). “I Thought I was Less Worthy”: Low Sexual and Body Esteem and Increased Vulnerability to Intimate Partner Abuse in Women with Physical Disabilities. Sexuality and Disability, 23:4. 227
Kaufman, M., Silverberg, C., & Odette, F. (2007). THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SEX AND DISABILITY For All of Us Who Live
With Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness. San Fransisco, CA. Cleis Press.

Sakellariou, D. (2006). If not the Disability, then what? Barriers to Reclaiming Sexuality Following Spinal Cord Injury. Sexuality and Disability, 24. 101–111

Tepper, M. (2000). Sexuality and Disability: The Missing Discourse of Pleasure. Sexuality and Disability, 18:4. 283-290

Wiegerink, D., Roebroeck, M., Bender, J., Stam, H., & Cohen-Kettenis, P. (2011). Sexuality of Young Adults with Cerebral Palsy: Experienced Limitations and Needs. Sexuality and Disability, 29:2. 119-128

Wilson, A. S. (2011). Meaningful Sex Education Programs for Individuals with Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities Sexuality & Disability, 29. 113-118

Last year I learned about the The Mautner Project, The National Lesbian Health Organization based in the Washington DC aarea. Mautner Project promotes health and wellness for same-sex attracted women through educational and support services, and advocacy. Among the many things they Do, Mautner Project conducts:

  • support groups for lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals coping with cancer and other serious illneesses
  • health education for lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals
  • training and advocacy with health care professionals on issues and concerns facing lesbian, bisexual and transgender patients or clients
  • Research into the health realities and needs of same-sex attracted women
  • I had the opportunity to attend a workshop workshop at Mautner’s office, and was impressed by the warm friendliness and dedication of the staf.

    Tonight I will be offering a workshop on sexual healing for trauma survivors, as part of Mautner’s new tele-workshop series. I am delighted to be able to offer a little slice of support to Mautner’s clients and supporters.

    The workshop is free to all Mautner Project clients. Mautner requests a $5 donation from all others who listen live or access the recording later. The money goes straight to Mautner and helps them continue the fabulous, and much-needed, work they already do.

    Details:

    Time: October 20 8 PM Eastern

    Description:
    Join Robin as she gives a workshop on having healthy sexual exploration after a sexual assault. Open to both survivors and their partners, as well as health care professionals who work with LGBT-identified survivors of sexual assault, this workshop will give its participants many practical resources as well as gentle encouragement to keep on the journey to sexual fulfillment and ecstasy.

    Call-in Info and paypal Donation link

    If you can’t make the call, a recording will be available either from me or from the Mautner Project beginning next week.

    Please join me in sharing information and supportive energy for sexual healing.

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